You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
