She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
