then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
