I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
