i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
