I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
