I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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