Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
