I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
MIDGETS
????
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
