nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
