im gay
i know
yea but for you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
