Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
