I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
