Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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