Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
