He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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