we have pet lesbian snakes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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