That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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