I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
