dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
