Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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