3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dignity is for republicans.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
