garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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