She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
