do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The air taste purple.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
