I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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