saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
