What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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