Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
