I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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