These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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