My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
