Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
