Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
