new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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