1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
