Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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