It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
