Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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