My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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