Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
