I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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