Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
