I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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