He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
