he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
40s are totally the cure
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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