Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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