Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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