i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
