mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The feeling are messing with the penis
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
