I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
