Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
