I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
